


We Fall Apart As It Gets Dark

by bear_au



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Billie Eilish Song, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fruits Basket Chapter 119-122, Major Spoilers, Manga Spoilers, Song: I Love You (Billie Eilish), Songfic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 18:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21080858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bear_au/pseuds/bear_au
Summary: If Tohru had learnt one thing from Kyo during their two years living together, it was that she was allowed to be selfish. And this was one thing she refused to compromise on. Songfic based on i love you by Billie Eilish.





	We Fall Apart As It Gets Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first fic in a while and first ever songfic. Also the first one I’ve written in the angst genre and posted here on AO3. If you’re interested in my other stuff it can be found on fanfiction.net under the username: bear-au (fair warning I wrote most of it >10 years ago when I was obsessed with furuba and fluff/comedy -- whose kidding I'm still obsessed with both of those things).
> 
> This story is based on and uses lyrics from ‘i love you’ by Billie Eilish. I listened to it on repeat while writing this, so that may be why it turned out so angsty. I highly recommend listening to the song while reading if that’s your style, it really helps to build the mood.  
I feel like a lot of the Billie Eilish album works well with angsty Kyo and this is the first one I decided to write. 
> 
> This is set during chapters 119-123, so If you haven’t read these yet consider this a Spoiler warning!
> 
> So without further ado, please enjoy the story…

_It's not true_  
_Tell me I've been lied to_  
_ Crying isn't like you_  
_ Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh_

Tohru stood dumbfounded. Kyo had just told her everything. About how he knew her mother, how he was involved with her death, and lastly, incomprehensibly, how her mother had said she _“will never forgive him”_.

It was a lot to take in and she was still reeling, processing.

But she knew one thing for sure, this wasn’t going to change how she felt. It wasn’t going to stop her from loving him with all of her being, even more than her mother, and god! Was that terrifying.

If Tohru had learnt one thing from Kyo during their two years living together, it was that she was allowed to be selfish. And this was one thing she refused to compromise on. So when Kyo told her he didn’t want her forgiveness, that he couldn’t even forgive himself, she knew she had to let go of the rules she’d set for herself to preserve the memory of her mother. That she must defy her memory if she was to be truly happy in her life.

“I won’t forgive you.” She bit out, staring hard at the ground.

“Is that what I’m supposed to say?” She locked eyes with Kyo staring at him defiantly and continued. “To forgive, or not to forgive, are those the only two options I have?” She balled her fist tighter, nails biting into her palm. “_’I’ll never forgive you’_ ? I don’t believe Mom would ever say something like that!” She started to raise her voice, “But even though I don’t believe it- but if-if it really were true, then in that case I-I’ll” She paused clearly fighting to get the words out.

“I’ll have no choice but to rebel against my mother!” She yelled. Kyo stepped back from her, surprised, not only at her outburst, but at the idea that Tohru would ever go against her mother.

“Even so…” Tohru began again trying to compose herself, “even so, why won’t you-” she choked back tears, “Why won’t you acknowledge that I love you, Kyo?!” she yelled tears flowing freely from her eyes now.

  
_What the hell did I do?_  
_Never been the type to_  
_ Let someone see right through_  
_ Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh_

Kyo stood there shell-shocked. He had just revealed his deepest darkest secret, finally taken the blame for the deaths he caused and Tohru still loved him? What the hell? That couldn’t be right. She had to be kidding. This-this was obviously a joke, right? 

_Maybe won't you take it back_  
_Say you were tryna make me laugh_  
_ And nothing has to change today_  
_ You didn't mean to say "I love you"_

“Come on…” Kyo couldn’t look at her anymore, couldn’t stand to see the love he saw in her eyes. So he looked to her feet. She was wrong, confused. Disillusioned…

“Get real”

_I love you_

_And I don't want to  
Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh_

Then Kyo ran. He couldn’t do anything else but run. He heard that damn rat calling out to him. Figures he’d butt-in where he wasn’t wanted. But Kyo didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. Not now that he knew Tohru loved him more than her mother. Now he knew his feelings were reciprocated. How could he have let this happen? He wasn’t supposed to take her down with him. He was supposed to be locked away, and she was supposed to move on with her life. Supposed to be happy with someone else, someone who deserved her. Not a monster like him.

_Up all night on another red eye_  
_ I wish we never learned to fly_  
_ I-I-I_  
_ Maybe we should just try_  
_ To tell ourselves a good lie_  
_ I didn't mean to make you cry_  
_ I-I-I_

He’d made her cry again, of course. He hated himself for it, but there was no other way he could think of to make her hate him and move on. Just like the way he had tried to push her away when she had witnessed his true form. She’d been stubborn then too, wanting to be selfish for the first time. Because he had encouraged her to, let her be. But that was the wrong thing to do. It had opened her heart to him and his to her. He’d messed up and hurt her all over again. Everything was his fault.

_Maybe won't you take it back_  
_Say you were tryna make me laugh_  
_ And nothing has to change today_  
_ You didn't mean to say "I love you"_

Tohru stayed where she was, barely processing Yuki telling her to go inside. _“Get real”_ echoed in her head. She was feeling helpless, bewildered, crushed. But the thing she felt the most, was the need to fight for this. To hell with Kyo and his self-loathing attitude, she would show that boy what true love was.

She ran toward the steps still barefoot, but stopped short when she heard a rustle followed by sharp, shallow breaths. 

She turned to see Akito walking out of the forest, a knife in her hand.

* * *

_ I love you _

_And I don't want to  
Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh_

Kyo heard the screaming first, his hearing picking it up from a further distance than normal. Someone was calling for help, and it was coming from the house. Such a desperate scream, it made Kyo’s senses prickle and an uneasy feeling settle in his stomach. He started running back immediately, only thinking of Tohru and how stupid he had been. He tried to calm himself. It hadn’t been that long since he’d left. Surely nothing serious could’ve happened.

He finished climbing the steps to Shigure’s house two at a time. Panting heavily he ran to the open front door where he saw Akito sitting on the step and could hear Shigure on the phone, a rare serious tone in his voice “…Wait, we’ve had a crisis here too. No, Akito’s fine. It’s Tohru, she fell from a cliff. Yes…”  
A bolt ran through Kyo’s entire body. He didn’t wait to hear anymore, he sprinted off straight away, towards the cliffs.

His breathing was harsh as he moved through the forest, seeking the spot where the landslide happened. He came to a clearing and stopped short, seeing Yuki leaning over a too still Tohru. Yuki stood, revealing the whole scene to Kyo, whose heart stopped.

Tohru was lying almost lifeless, her hair strewn out beneath her, cuts on her arms.

“T-Tohru…” He trembled, tears starting to form in his eyes. He fell to his knees, reaching out for her, cradling her head- “**Don't touch her**” Yuki snapped. Then regaining his composure, Yuki shakily let out a breath and said more evenly, “Don’t touch her, she hit her head pretty hard.” Kyo looked down at his hand that had gently brushed Tohru’s head seeing blood. That wasn’t his blood, it was hers, _Tohru’s_.

“Wait” Kyo’s voice began to shake, his vision blurring. Memory and reality overlapping. Suddenly he saw Kyoko and Tohru both lying there bleeding. “Wait a sec-just wait… wait a sec here…” He was losing his grip on reality, spiralling into guilt again. “there must be some mistake!” he choked, tears welling up, making it hard to breathe. “There must be some mistake, this isn’t what I wanted!” He cried “Tohru! Wait-this-this isn’t…”

_The smile that you gave me even when you felt like dying_

Tohru reached out towards Kyo. “It’s okay…now” she tried to say, her voice seemed very distant to her, it was getting hard to talk. “It’s okay now” she tried again, reaching further. Her hand was met with a warm presence. But she wasn’t sure her voice was strong enough, she kept reaching.

“I get it” Kyo’s voice was warm like his hand, but still distant. “It’s okay now, I get it…” there was a pause, maybe a sniffle, she was too tired to distinguish it. “I get it already, so stop talking.” Kyo’s distant voice wavered and then something warm and wet hit her cheeks. Was she crying? No, her eyes were closed, that must’ve been Kyo’s tears. She was slipping further into darkness, satisfied she had reached Kyo. Then just before she slipped away entirely she felt a very distant warm press on her lips. Then only darkness. 

_We fall apart as it gets dark_  
_I'm in your arms in Central Park_  
_ There's nothing you could do or say_  
_ I can't escape the way, I love you _

Kyo was distraught, he had messed up again. Caused another accident. All he could do was be by Tohru’s side until the ambulance arrived. He was such an idiot! It didn’t matter that he was cursed and destined to be locked away. If Tohru was in danger or hurt, Nothing. Else. Mattered.

Yuki was right, he was a total, colossal idiot. He shouldn’t have run away, he should’ve been there for her, with her, so he could save her. He could have prevented any of this happening if he had just stayed and protected her like he promised.

_I don't want to _

_But I love you_

He didn’t talk to the paramedics, didn’t ride in the ambulance, didn’t go to the hospital to see her. How could he? This was all his fault.

_  
Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh_

**Author's Note:**

> Oooh boy, that was rough, but I like to keep to canon so please know everything worked out as it should have following this. I just wanted to explore more of the angsty internal parts of this confession arc. As I said before, this is my first venture into angst, so I hope it was up to standard. Feel free to leave any comments on the story or come yell at me about fruits basket over at my tumblr (voltronbear). I need to get through this season break somehow!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/voltronbear)  

> 
> -bear_au


End file.
